Let me guess what you are thinking…sex is the last thing on your mind right now. Well I’m here to tell you that is completely OK. You can began sexual intercourse again when YOU feel YOU are ready, this choice should be completely individualized. The best thing to do is just have good communication with your spouse about your feelings and if the pain/tenderness doesn’t improve, call your midwife.
Current guidelines recommend waiting 4-6 weeks to resume sexual intercourse after having a baby. Some women feel ready to resume sex within a few weeks of giving birth, some women feel like they need a few months or longer. Orgasm for women is extremely mental—things like fatigue, stress and fear of pain all can take effect on your sexual desires.
Breastfeeding can also take a toll on your sex drive. The hormonal changes involved in nursing can lead to vaginal dryness and make it very tender. Perineal lacerations can also make sex very painful postpartum. Depending on the extent of your tear—you might need a couple months to heal. The most important thing to remember is that you can resume sexual activity when YOU feel ready. It will be painful the first attempt but should get better and better. Please call your midwife if the pain is not decreasing or if sexual intercourse is too painful to resume after a couple months.
Important things to consider
Take it slow, don’t jump right into it—start with cuddling or kissing. Ask your partner to give you a nice massage. If you are breastfeeding make sure you use a water-based lubrication. This will help tremendously with vaginal dryness, a side effect of breastfeeding. Try different positions to alleviate pain. This can take pressure off certain areas in the vagina and control the ease of penetration. Try to stay in the moment (women are use to multi-tasking) try only to think about the intimacy you are sharing with your partner. Avoid thinking about dirty diapers, the pile of laundry, or your never ending to do list. Easier said than done, I know:)!
Before sexual intercourse try taking a warm bath, consider taking ibuprofen, and make sure to empty your bladder. If sex is too painful to resume that is OK. There are plenty of alternatives like oral or manual stimulation. Just make sure to communicate with your partner what feels good and what doesn’t! Remember you might need more time to heal and that is totally fine.
Kegel exercises
After childbirth our pelvic muscles can lose their tone but don’t worry this is only temporarily. Decreased muscle tone can lead to decreased arousal during sex. To help tone that pelvic floor you can try something called “kegel exercises.”
The first thing you do is tighten your pelvic muscles. Think of this as the feeling of stopping urine midstream. Tighten those muscles and hold for 10 seconds, release for 10 seconds, and than hold those muscles again for 10 seconds. After you get it down try holding for 15 seconds and than 20 seconds. Pretty soon your pelvic muscles will be back up to par. Try to do at least 3 sets of 10 during the day. You can do this while you are driving, lying in bed, or even while you are vacuuming. This will help tone up your pelvic floor and prevent incontinence that can happen later in life after childbirth.
Remember to talk to your midwife if sexual intercourse continues to be painful. Your midwife can discuss numerous treatment options with you. Intimacy is a healthy part of your relationship and you should be able to enjoy sex again after giving birth. Many women believe that painful intercourse is the result of having a vaginal birth. This is a misconception. You can enjoy sex before, during, and after pregnancy. Remember you can get pregnant while breastfeeding so ensure you have adequate contraception before resuming sexual intercourse.
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